Grave digging

You have been playing havoc on my mind lately. After all these years since we parted amicably and promised to let our mind, body, heart and soul R.I.P. You who I chose to set free over him who I loved.
You were a man of so few words and even fewer actions. He was more vociferous.You loved discreetly. He dared to love.
You stimulated, he titilated. You played on my mind, he played with the tits and tush. You let live, he was alive and spontaneous. You were conspicuous by your absence, he was overwhelming (sometimes even overbearing) with his presence. You wrote me long mesmerising letters, never mentioning those fateful words; he told me, at least twice a day and wrote them in bold in every card, note and letter.
You cared, appreciated, encouraged and understood. He loved, lusted, demanded, misunderstood. I chose him over you. A momentary lapse of reason? Or a moment's pragmatism? Still wonder, why you play havoc on my mind after all these years.