Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Bundle of contradictions

It's been quite a while now and I assume no one's missed me. So I won't get into explanations. But if you insist, Lalita's pretty much put the reasons together, much better than I could have. The world's been busy with blasts, wars, roadblocks, oh sorry, blog blocks, public neck rubs, a prince in the pit, an unrequitted lover stabbing his lady love 36 times and confessing his crime, and the MSM was there to write about all this and much more to pander to the average taste buds; while I tried to figure out where I fit in to these scheme of things.
Fortunately or unfortunately for me, I don't fit in anywhere. That kind of leaves me pretty much orphaned and a destitute. I live in the midst of the madding crowd, but in my own little island comprising of my one and a half people. So my posts are essentially about my life, or my extended life that includes my four and a quarter friends. But one doesn't feel the need to talk about or write about it always because I assume my two and a half readers wouldn't be interested in what's bothering, motivating, inspiring or irritating me, though they may want to be a part of my happiness. But then again I assume too much, as a wise friend tells me.
The bottomline is, I don't want to write for the heck of writing and subject the world to more misery, not unless I am sure I have content I'd like to share with the world and I know the world would enjoy reading it. It is a different matter that most of the time I wonder whether I should or should not write, in the first place.
And, as I have mentioned in an earlier post, I'm horribly, terribly technologically challenged, so I haven't a clue about site trackers and whathaveyou to tell me what brings readers, if they bring any at all, to my site. So I am eternally suffering from a lack of ideas. Therefore, the best excuse is to sayI suffer from a writer's block. That conveniently takes care of my mental as well as physical disabilities. So I happily get away with it.
And right now I realise, that I am happily contradicting what I said at the very begininning, that I shall not get into explanations.
But that's how I am -- a bundle of contradictions.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Fortune Teller - II

First I was told a pleasant surprise awaits me. Considering it's been a heartbreaking Sunday for more reasons than I had anticipated and, of course, the bloody cynic that I am, I paid no heed to it. As the day progressed amidst silent tears, a tought battle to reconcile with the untimely demise of a very dear relative and final proof-reads before putting the magazine to bed, I was informed I have an unusual equipment for success and that I should use it properly. The mind boggles at the possibilities.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


This one's via email from a friend. But we know how our Indian newspapers are, don't we?

These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY: For sale - SK Shah has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 2555-0707 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in SK Shah's ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 2555-0707 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."

WEDNESDAY: Notice: SK Shah has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday.The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - SK Shah has a sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 2555-0707 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.

THURSDAY: Notice: I, SK Shah, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 2555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Fortune teller

I hate these vague fortune tellers. Some wise man or whoever, tells me that "This is the time to try something new." Something new? (All excited and perked up at the thought of landing a plush job that will be make me rich and famous) Like what? But of course, nothing elucidated. The sentence doesn't even end in a fullstop. So how do we interpret an open-ended sentence like that?
Try on a new dress, sport a new hairstyle? Check out the new stylish bags or the shoes at all the friggin' malls? Try walking backwards when actually moving ahead? Sit on my desk and put my PC on the chair and
try typing with my toes? Try making dosai with tissue paper, water and Jasmine oil(that's as innovative as they can get here)? Have a relationship with a gorilla? Replace the nouns with the verbs and the adjectives with the adverbs to invent a brand new language?
How about a new job instead, Dude? One that pays phenomenally to just sit around, chat, blogsurf, and sometimes even post. But of course, no one needs a nincompoop, a dimwit and a psycho running amock polluting their workplace. So what the eff is NEW?
Maybe I should just put up a brave front and walk into some editor's room, hold him by the collar and scream JOB WANTED in his face. For I'm also told Fortune does favour the brave. Hrrmph!