Friday, July 29, 2005

Theory of relationship

Just read: "There’s a lot of confusion over the word, ‘partner’. It’s very important to decide whether or not you have a transactional relationship or a true partnership"-- a loaded statement from the CEO of an IT company.
What is indeed the nature of relationships/partnerships in our lives? Are all partnerships a kind of a relationship or vice versa? Are we in it for the sake of it, for the sake of love or as Austen would've said for convenience? And most importantly, who's a partner?
Let's try and define a partner first. According to the dictionary, it's one who's associated with another. So, is it the "other" half? The alter ego? What's his/her function in the scheme of things? Is the "other" supposed to have qualities similar/dissimilar to the "one"? No I'm not qualified enough to get into any existentialist theories here. Just trying to figure things out.
So, what is a partnership in this context? One and the other marooned in an island aboard a ship?!! Ok no, jokes apart, is it two people(not necessarily in love) in a convenient relationship? If the relationship is convenient (or otherwise), does it mean it can be between any two people living together or miles apart? What then is a true partnership?
To pick up the thread from Jai's post, let's take, for example, the nature of long distance relationships (LDRs). First, when they are long distance, is there an element of relationship there? Or is it just a friendship, purely transactional? A kind of deal to keep in touch; give each other some peptalk, when either one is down, and almost out; just be there (virtually or phone-etically) to listen to the ravings and rantings of a semi-demented mind.
Relationships with no distance between them (read married/live- in couples), do we call them partnerships? Partners in love? It's a complex and tricky area. Marriage is a different ball game altogether, as they say. Still trying to figure out the nuances of it...some comments will help! But does marriage mean there is nothing transactional in the relationship? What's your job is yours, what's ours is also yours, but my job is mine. In relationships do you make such demarcations such as: the kitchen is your (wife's) territory, not mine..the living room (with TV, Music system et al) is my territory not yours, the bedroom is sometimes mine and sometimes yours.
So where does the word partner come into the picture in the scheme of relationships? Just to tango on the dance floor, in the kitchen, with the kid? What is a true partnership? You do half the cooking, I do the other half. You dust the Tv, music sytem, DVDs, I sweep and swab the floor? You eat the snacks, I drink the whisky!
Or in true Shantiniketan style " Tumi fool, ami pata, tumi jol, ami atta!" ...


Euphoric Dreamer said...


memorykeeper said...

One breath, you say 'relationships with no distance = married/live-in' and in another you ask if demarcations need to be made.

My belief, looking from the perch of a relationship with no distance = live-in (in my case), and experience is that the idea of demarcation should not arise. There will be the mine and yours. Partners or relationships or friendships, even need the element of 'my space'.

Personal development enriches a relationship.

Demarcations implies territory, implies authority, implies a transaction. No-go in the so-called 'relationship with no distance'.

You drink the whisky, I'll have the hangover???

Gamesmaster G9 said...

A continuation of a point I made on another blog.

It is a given fact that LDR's have a higher failure rate than relationships where the couple lives together. Distance is a huge source of friction. But in today's day where both partners are completely mobile, is it feasible to assume that a couple will always end up in the same place. If you meet someone in college, how likely is it that you will both do your postgraduate degrees from the same place, get jobs i the same place, and stay in those places for a long time. It involves sacrifices on the part of at least one partner. And then, is it worth it?

Is it not better to maintain temporary place-specific relationships? The comfort of closeness will be present and there will be no sacrifices called for.

Gati said...

I suppose it is a lot about shared experiences, habits and (very importantly) common stakes, both social and economic.

Priya said...

@memorykeeper: A clarification here: By relationship with no distance I didn't mean with no space either. Actually I was trying to figure out the role of a partner here. As u rightly a relationship, there is no place for authority....hence should be a shared territory without demarcations..agreed agreed!

@g9: I understand your point. But am not sure how many people are there who can get into this switch on-switch off mode of temporary place-specific relationships. More importantly..will they then qualify as relationships or woudl they be better off as partnerships?

@gati: Common stakes like what?? After your proposal...eta niye bosha jabey.

tinytim said...

hmm.. this is always how it has been .. the mind-body dualism. its behavior (dusting tv), artifacts(phone/email) and/or the (in)tangible love / mind..

sounds like a hyperbole, but no apologies ;-)

egging thoughts on..

J. Alfred Prufrock said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Two points, Ms. PC.

1 - I'm curious as to why you find Calcutta repulsive (err .. not 'repulsing'). Will you post about that?
(I like many things about Bangalore, but Cal is where I belong.)

2 - Relationships are give & take (and yes, that could be 'you give, I take'). The doggerel you sign off with is more Presi than S'niketan. The best lines are Tumi cutlet, aami chop / Aami shotti, tumi dhop

And (forgive my nit-picking, please) there's one 'l' in Eliot.


Saltwater Blues said... your blog. cheers mate!

Priya said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Priya said...

@Tinytim:interesting hyperboles! Keep egging those thoughts on...

Priya said...

@JAP: Thanks for your "scathing" comments. And apologies for the Asst editor should be more careful on these counts, to say the least!
1. Will try to keep your request and post a hatemail on Calcutta. Some time when the ed is not around! Please bear with me for the delay..chakri jabey noiley, boss!
2. Agreed relationships are give and take...trying to figure out if there should be a balance between the two. What should the ratio be like? Who decides it? What are the criteria for deciding such a ratio?
3. About the sign off doggerel: I admit have no clue on the copyright issues... just based on hearsay. Spent some memorable moments at Presi (canteen and outside), tho' didn't belong there, but was never privy to such statements.



Did you remove, for any reason, one of my comments about personal space? I am sorry if anything was offensive...because I did not mean it to...all I said was that LDRs have some +ves

Priya said...


Na re I didn't remove any of your comments. I just deleted one of my own. I don't remember seeing any post from you here at all. Are you sure, you posted it here? Please...abar post kor (tui-tokari korchi..since I know u are much younger..hope u don't mind), whatever you wrote. Don't worry I won't take offense...after all Blog's a level playing field and a you are entitled to yr opinions...freedom of thought and expression.


Haan haan definitely...all I said was that LDR's have one great advantage----forced personal space. Living together, each one is breathing down the other's neck---and things sometimes get ugly pretty quickly.

Just an observation.

the still dancer said...

ekhane prothom bar, through JAP's. The shantiniketan/presi doggerel was superb, including JAP's addition. BTW, there is a Bangalore bloggers' group now, which is fast becoming a "bong"alore group- pleej to trawl back to my site where you'd find details about joining the mayhem.

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